Give Me the Grace to Want to Forgive

How Often Must I Forgive?

Peter asks Jesus a question most of us have probably wondered ourselves:

“Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?”

Peter even offers what sounds like a generous number.

Seven times.

Jesus answers:

“Not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

In other words, stop keeping count.

Then Jesus tells the story of a servant forgiven an enormous debt who turns around and refuses to forgive a much smaller debt owed to him.

The contrast is meant to unsettle us.

We have received mercy we could never repay.

And Jesus asks us to allow that mercy to change the way we respond to those who hurt us.

When Forgiveness Is Not Easy

This weekend also marked twenty-five years since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

For some, that day remains vivid.

For others, especially younger generations, it has become history.

But its effects continue to shape our world, our fears, and our memories.

Against that backdrop, the readings this weekend are striking.

Sirach asks:

“Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the LORD?”

The Psalm answers with a description of God:

“The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.”

And then Jesus tells us to forgive.

That is a hard Gospel.

Especially when the wound is deep.

What If I Don't Want to Forgive?

Sometimes the hardest truth is that we do not even want to forgive.

We may know what Jesus asks.

We may believe forgiveness is good.

But something inside us still says:

I don't want to let this go.

That is a real place to begin.

Perhaps the prayer is not yet:

“Jesus, I forgive.”

Maybe the prayer is:

“Jesus, give me the grace to want to forgive.”

And if even that feels impossible:

“Jesus, give me the grace to want to want to forgive.”

God can work with a small opening.

He can do a great deal with a holy desire.

Forgiveness is not always a single moment.

Sometimes it is a road we walk with Him.

A Picture of Extraordinary Mercy

A striking example of that kind of mercy came from a Dallas courtroom.

Botham Jean had been killed in his own apartment by an off-duty police officer who entered the wrong apartment and shot him.

At her sentencing, Botham's younger brother, Brandt, spoke directly to the woman convicted of killing his brother.

He told her he forgave her.

He told her he wanted the best for her.

More than anything, he wanted her to give her life to Christ.

Then he asked the judge if he could hug her.

They met in the middle of the courtroom and embraced.

It was an extraordinary act of mercy.

And it raises a powerful question:

What had this young man experienced of God's mercy that made him capable of offering mercy like that?

Christian forgiveness of that depth does not come from pretending evil did not happen.

It comes from somewhere deeper.

It comes from first having encountered the love and mercy of Jesus.

Mercy Is Not Pretending It Didn't Hurt

Forgiveness does not mean saying the wrong was acceptable.

It does not erase consequences.

It does not necessarily restore trust immediately.

It does not always mean a relationship can return to what it was.

And it certainly does not require us to deny the reality of suffering.

Forgiveness means refusing to let hatred have the final word in us.

It means allowing God, rather than the wound, to shape our hearts.

That may happen quickly.

More often, it happens slowly.

Jesus meets us where we actually are and begins leading us toward something higher than simple human instinct.

The Mercy We Have Already Received

The servant in Jesus' parable can only be understood in light of what happened first.

He was forgiven.

An enormous debt was simply released.

That should have changed him.

But somehow he received mercy without allowing mercy to enter his heart.

That is the warning for us.

Before we ask, How can I possibly forgive this person? we may need to remember:

How has God forgiven me?

How patiently has He dealt with me?

How many times have I returned with the same weakness?

How many times has He received me again?

Psalm 103 tells us that God does not deal with us according to our sins.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he put our transgressions from us.”

We forgive from mercy received.

For Moms

Some of the wounds that are hardest to forgive involve the people closest to us.

A spouse.

A parent.

A sibling.

A friend.

Or someone who hurt our child.

That last one can be especially difficult.

A mother can often tolerate pain directed at herself more easily than pain inflicted on someone she loves.

Forgiveness in those situations should never be reduced to:

Just let it go.

Sometimes there are real boundaries to establish.

Real consequences.

Real healing that needs time.

But we can still ask God to protect our hearts from becoming ruled by resentment.

Our children are also watching how we deal with hurt.

They need to see that Christians can tell the truth about what happened and still refuse to become consumed by hatred.

Sometimes the most faithful thing we can say is:

“I am not there yet, Jesus. But I want You to bring me there.”

Family Practice

At bedtime one evening this week, pray the Our Father slowly together.

Pause at:

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Then pray:

“Jesus, help us receive Your mercy and give that mercy to others.”

No one needs to name a person or situation aloud.

Simply give God room to begin the work.