When Love Requires a Difficult Conversation
Today's readings give us a challenging responsibility.
If we see someone we love heading in a harmful direction, we cannot always simply say:
It isn't my concern.
In the first reading, God appoints Ezekiel as a watchman for His people.
If Ezekiel sees danger and refuses to warn them, he bears some responsibility for remaining silent.
Jesus gives His disciples a similar responsibility in the Gospel:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”
Not publicly.
Not through gossip.
Not by telling everyone else first.
Go to the person.
The goal is not embarrassment or punishment.
Jesus tells us exactly what we are trying to accomplish:
“If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.”
The goal is to win back a brother or sister.
Correction Has to Begin With Love
There is a wrong way to correct someone.
I know better than you.
I'm right and you're wrong.
Let me explain what is wrong with you.
That is not what Jesus is asking.
Christian correction begins from a very different place:
I love you.
I know that I am a sinner too.
But because I care about you, I cannot pretend that something harmful is harmless.
St. Paul gives us the standard in the second reading:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
And then:
“Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.”
If love is the reason we speak, then the other person's good matters more than our desire to be right.
Start Privately
Jesus gives us an order for these conversations.
First:
Go to the person alone.
That matters.
There is a dignity in allowing someone to hear a concern privately before involving others.
If that does not work, Jesus says to bring one or two others.
If the person still refuses to listen, then the matter may need to involve the Church.
The response grows only as necessary.
At every stage, the purpose remains the same:
Reconciliation.
Conversion.
Restoration.
Helping another person return to what is good.
We Are Responsible for One Another
Modern life often tells us not to interfere.
That's their business.
It's their choice.
Who am I to say anything?
Sometimes respecting another person's freedom does mean stepping back.
But Christian love is not indifference.
We belong to one another.
If someone we love were walking toward physical danger, we would warn them.
Why would we care less about something that could damage their relationships, their character, or their relationship with God?
We cannot control another person's response.
They remain free.
But sometimes love requires us to say:
“I care about you too much not to tell you what I see.”
What If They Don't Listen?
This may be the hardest part.
We can speak with love and still be rejected.
The other person may become defensive.
They may be angry.
They may tell us to mind our own business.
Jesus does not promise that correction will immediately be welcomed.
Our responsibility is to speak truthfully, humbly, and lovingly.
Then we continue to pray.
We remain willing to walk with the person when we can.
But eventually, we also have to recognize that another person is free to choose.
We can offer truth.
We cannot force conversion.
And Sometimes We Are the One Who Needs Correction
There is another side to this Gospel.
It is very easy to listen and immediately think of the person we need to correct.
The harder question is:
How do I respond when someone corrects me?
Can I listen without immediately defending myself?
Can I consider whether God might be using another person to show me something I do not want to see?
Psalm 95 gives us exactly the prayer we need:
“If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.”
Sometimes God's voice comes through Scripture.
Sometimes through prayer.
And sometimes through a person who loves us enough to tell us something difficult.
We need courage to speak truth.
We also need humility to receive it.
For Moms
Mothers practice correction constantly.
We tell children not to hit, lie, cheat, speak disrespectfully, or make choices that will hurt themselves or others.
We do it because we love them.
But as our children grow older, correction becomes more complicated.
We cannot control every decision.
And lectures rarely change hearts.
What they need from us is truth held together with relationship.
I love you.
I am for you.
And because I am for you, I need to tell you something difficult.
Our children are also learning from the way we handle conflict with other adults.
Do we gossip about someone instead of speaking to them?
Do we avoid every uncomfortable conversation?
Do we correct harshly?
Can we apologize when we are the one who is wrong?
If we want our children to become people who can speak and receive truth with love, they need to see us practice it too.
Questions to Sit With
- Is there someone I need to speak with directly instead of talking about the situation to other people?
- When I correct someone, is my real goal their good and reconciliation, or proving that I am right?
- How do I respond when someone I trust points out something in me that needs to change?
Family Practice
Teach your family one simple rule for conflict this week:
Talk to the person, not about the person.
When there is a problem between siblings or family members, encourage them to speak directly, calmly, and privately when possible.
Begin with love.
Tell the truth.
Then work toward reconciliation.